Open Your Eyes
by fallenangell
Summary: Set after OOTP.Harry is forced to kill himself but survives.Now everyone won't believe him when he says he didn't do it.Then Voldemort tells him something completely unexpected turning Harry's world upside...includes suicide and plenty of angst!
1. It's all your fault

**Chapter 1: It's All Your Fault**

The graveyard of his nightmares was surrounding him. Unnatural purple mist swapped at his feet and the sky was pitch black, not a twinkle of a star in sight.

He was tied to a gravestone which Harry suspected was like the one he had been bound to in his fourth year. The memories still haunted him.

"Hello Harry" A cold high pitch voice filled his ears. He strained his neck to see the white face of Lord Voldemort behind him. No one was there and Harry felt fear rise stronger inside.

"Do you think this is a dream Harry?" Harry didn't answer; if he didn't answer then it wouldn't be real.

"Because it isn't. No Harry this is real, as real as it was on the night of my rebirth." Lord Voldemort laughed and Harry began to feel nausea. He shut his eyes as the world began to sway.

"Open your eyes Harry." Harry opened his eyes.

They were standing in exactly the same place that Harry had stood when he watched Sirius die. Those memories still haunted him too.

Voldemort stood next to him, his eyes on Harry watching him intently. Black robes billowed around his tall thin body and his long fingers were wrapped around his wand.

Then before his eyes he saw Sirius and Bellatrix appear and the same as they had done that night they began duelling. Firing spell after spell at each other, Harry saw their mouths move but no sound came out. And everything seemed to be happening as it had that night. Exactly the same down to their very movements.

Harry didn't think he could take much more of it. It was too painful; he had experienced it once and didn't need to again.

He went to take a step back but found he couldn't move. He closed his eyes. Shutting out the world around him and muttering inside his head that it wasn't real, that it was only a nightmare.

"Open your eyes Harry." Harry's eyes opened of their own accord. And as they did so did sound return to the scene.

"Come on you can do better than that!" Sirius yelled and then a red light hit him squarely on the chest. His body fell, his back arching gracefully and he seemed to glow.

"Noooooo" Harry yelled anguish filling his voice, tears heavy in his eyes.

Voldemort laughed no pity in his voice. There never would be. He walked in front of Harry and then changed. Voldemort became handsome and dark. He became Sirius.

Harry froze his eyes wide.

"It's all your fault Harry." Sirius whispered and his eyes full with bitterness.

"No… no Sirius…I"

"Harry it's your entire fault. I came here to help you. To save you! Instead I died. I DIED!" He shouted and Harry shook with fear and grief. His heart felt like it was going to shatter.

"You aren't worth saving. You are worth NOTHING!"

Tears streamed down Harry's face. He couldn't breathe. He was sure he was going to break. And then he felt nausea again and he shut his eyes.

He was floating; he had his wand in his hand and out stretched before him. Harry opened his eyes and found himself back in the graveyard. He was in the air above all the Death Eaters and facing Voldemort. Their wands were joined by a line of deep gold and vibrating so hard that Harry couldn't let go if he wanted too.

But he wanted to, he had to let go. It didn't matter if he let go because it was only a dream. Even if it was beginning to feel like something else.

"Hold on Harry and you shall see the truth." Shouted Voldemort. This wasn't right, he didn't say that.

And then just as it had done that night so the echo of Cedric Diggory appear. But it was different. He was different.

He was wearing a sneer across his face and his eyes were full of hatred and they glared at him.

"I'm dead Harry. And do you know why?" Harry shook his head, his heart hammered against his rib cage.

"Because of you. It's all your fault I'm dead Potter. I should have never taken that portkey with you. But no you insisted." Cedric suddenly laughed the same laugh that Voldemort had.

"But now I've been given a second chance. A chance to have my revenge. I am going to break you."

He floated off to the side and stood next to Voldemort.

Harry shook, he couldn't breathe again. His heart was cracking but not breaking. Not yet.

"And then Harry saw his mother appear out of Voldemort's wand. And just like Cedric she wore a face of hatred. She glared at Harry, her red hair floating around her as if the wind moved it.

"Mu…mum" Harry stuttered.

"You bastard" His mum said. "I gave up my life for you. I and your father and you repay us by sending our best friend to death. I hate you and your father will be here soon to tell you the same." She floated over and stood next to Cedric.

Tears were filling his eyes and Harry strode to stop them from falling. He couldn't show weakness even though his heart felt like it had cracked and broken into two pieces. He would be strong because it wasn't true. But even as he thought this he couldn't help but feel that it was. He had sent them to their deaths.

Out of Voldemort's wand came Harry's father. Accuser of savior, but from the disgust painted plainly on his face Harry knew it was the end of him.

There was silence while the father and son stared at each other. Silent tears rolled down Harry's face as he looked deep into his father's eyes.

Then James Potter spoke in a whisper. "You are a disappointment to me son." And that was all. But those seven words did more damage to Harry then all of them put together.

He suddenly found himself standing on the ground and collapsed instantly. Sobbing into his hands, his heart seemed to have been torn from his chest and crushed.

"Did it hurt Harry? Did they hurt you?" Voldemort chuckled and Harry looked up.

"Love is weakness Harry and I can stop you from being weak. Join me Harry and I know we can rule this petty world." He looked at Harry straight in the eye and for once Harry didn't feel his scar sear. "I sense something in you Harry. I don't know what it is. But I can smell it. A power in you that no one else has."

He sighed before turning away and gazing at the sky. "Join me Harry."

"I will never join you!" Harry said surprising even himself with his courage and determination.

"Fine but you shall regret it." He twirled around and glared at Harry. Harry clamped his hand to his scar as it pain burned through it.

And then Harry was spinning. Spinning through colours that were so bright they hurt his eyes. Suddenly he landed on his bed. He snapped open his eyes and rushed to the bathroom.

After throwing up he crept downstairs as quietly as possible trying desperately to not disturb uncle Vernon. He didn't want to think what would happen if he did.

As he stood at the tap filling up his cup he tried not to think about his nightmare. But his heart and scar still hurt and he couldn't seem to breathe through the lump in his throat.

Tears were burning in his eyes and before he knew it they were falling thick and fast. Harry gasped for breathe trying to stop the tears.

Instead he broke down crying, he sagged against the counter, whimpering and trying to not make noise.

Why did it always have to happen to him? Why couldn't he have a family and parents? Why did they always have to die?

He slid down and sat on the floor his back pressed against a cupboard. He was slowly regaining control of himself. And his vision was less blurry from the tears. He looked up and could see on the dining room table a knife and a new thought slid into his mind. A suicidal thought.

Harry shook his head. What was he thinking?

_Oh come on you can do it!_ _It won't hurt. And you could see Sirius again and your parents._ Whispered a voice in his mind.

No, anyway Voldemort's supposed too kill me. Or I kill him but there's fat chance of that.

_Oh come on. This will be painless as well. Voldemort's bound to give you all the pain 20 people can take and drive you crazy. _Harry shook his head. This wasn't how he talked. He wasn't suicidal.

But somehow he felt himself stand up like someone was taking control of his body. He tried to fight against it but couldn't seem to shake the grip off. It felt like a giant hand was wrapped around his body but controlling it. Making his legs move forward and his hands outstretch in front of him.

He was walking towards the table and Harry suddenly realized where they were going. He was moving towards the knife.

He tried to squirm from the hand but nothing happened. Harry began to panic as he picked up the knife, its handle cold in his hand.

He brought the knife down to his wrist.

Harry squirmed screaming and shouting at the same time but his body still held the knife. It was like his body and mind or soul was separated but still together.

He cut. Blood instantly squirted out and spilled onto the floor. Harry's body collapsed. This was it. The end. Everyone was going to think he killed himself.

And as he sank into death's darkness he realized he had control over his body again. Only it was too late.

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

Thats the end of the first chapter but don't worry the other chapters will be triple the size of this one. Please press the review button and be nice because this is my first ever fic!


	2. Nobody Believes

**Chapter 2**

**Nobody Believes**

Harry was lying in a soft bed covered in blankets that seemed to be suffocating him. Well at least that meant he wasn't dead. He didn't open his eyes for a few minutes just to work out if anything hurt.

"Do you think he did that?" He heard Ron's voice and he stiffened. He wanted to hear this conversation.

"I don't know." That was Hermione. "I mean we knew he was pretty beat up about Sirius but I didn't think he was a… well suicidal that's all." She was whispering.

"I know it's so weird, Harry isn't like this." Ron whispered back and Harry decided to intervene here. They thought he had tried to kill himself and he had to set this straight.

"I didn't try to kill myself." He whispered and opened his eyes.

Hermione gasped and Ron moved closer to the bed in his chair.

"Harry…are you okay?" Ron asked worry and weariness was plain on his face.

"I'm fine" He said as he struggled to set up in bed. But when he put his wrists to the bed to push up he cried out in pain. His wrists pulsed with pain and he stared down at them in shock.

Ron and Hermione quickly helped him sit up and he sat back still studying his bandaged wrists.

He glanced up at Ron and Hermione both looking apprehensive and nervous. Hermione though looked quite determined as well

"Harry you cut your wrists." She said quietly.

"No I didn't someone else did. Look it was probably Voldemort…" both of them flinched t the name. "…and he took over my body and made me do it." Harry was getting anxious now, they had to believe him. He wasn't suicidal.

So he proceeded to tell them all that happened just missing out his nightmare and making it sound like a normal nightmare not so real and frightening. Not real.

"I'm going to get Dumbledore." Said Ron and he stood to go but Harry stopped him.

"Ron you do believe me…right." He asked studying Ron's weary eyes.

"I don't know what to believe Harry." Ron turned and left the room closing the door quietly behind him.

Hermione and Harry sat silently. Hermione was studying him and Harry didn't meet her eyes instead staring at the floor and wandering on his thoughts. Harry was glad for the silence he didn't think he could handle a know-it-all speech from Hermione right now.

Harry began studying the room and suddenly found himself unable to breathe. He wasn't… was he? No they wouldn't bring him here.

"Where am I?" He asked Hermione trying to sound normal and not as though he was about to have a panic attack.

"Well Harry…" She looked frightened and Harry knew where he was.

He leapt up ignoring the pain in his arm and shouted at Hermione. "Why the HELL did they bring me here. This is the place I last want to be!"

"Harry look it's safer for you here." She said calmly although she looked anything but it.

"Safer are you kidding me." He began pacing up and down. _As soon as Dumbledore comes I am_ _out of here_ he thought.

The door burst open and in came Madam Pomfrey followed by Dumbledore, Lupin and Mr and Mrs Weasley.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing out of bed young man. You have lost a lot of blood I'm surprised you're even awake." Madam Pomfrey instantly began fussing but Harry stopped her.

"Stop" he almost shouted and then turned to the rest if them. "I don't want to be here." He said in a calm voice that he didn't think he possessed.

"Harry its safer for you here." Dumbledore said calmly but without the same twinkle in his eye. Harry noticed that one of his arms was black and dead looking; he ignored it though his curiosity wasn't satisfied.

"NO I don't want to be here. Sirius was a prisoner here and… and I just… no." He couldn't think of anything else to say. Tears were already burning in his eyes and he couldn't trust his voice anymore.

Dumbledore stared deeply into his eyes and Harry met them. Dumbledore's expression was of pain and caring. Obviously Harry's speech had affected him.

"He can stay with us." Piped up Mrs Weasley and Harry's heart rose in warmth for her.

"No" Harry's heart sank. "It's too far from Headquarters." Dumbledore said quietly not taking his eyes of Harry.

"He can stay with me then. I'm only around the corner. And you've already put plenty of charms on it Albus." Lupin spoke quietly and calmly. Harry looked over to Lupin. Their eyes met and Harry sent a silent thank you look.

"That will do fine but Harry." Harry met Dumbledore's eyes again. "You must let Madam Pomfrey look after you."

Harry nodded solemnly and the rest of them left the room.

Madam Pomfrey instantly began fussing over him passing him potions to drink; all of them were disgusting of course. She unwrapped and rewrapped his bandages muttering the whole time of how she wished her patients would just let them be taken care of and how Harry was probably the worst of them all.

Harry ignored her knowing that there would be no point in arguing with her. She was too plain bossy and annoying.

As Madam Pomfrey left so came in Lupin carrying some clothes. "Here put these on. We leave in a minute."

He turned to leave. "Ha Professor Lupin" Lupin turned around. "Thanks."

Lupin smiled and quietly said. "Harry its Remus to you okay." He shut the door quietly behind him and Harry instantly began changing.

When he finished he looked down on himself to see he was wearing one of Dudley's old black t-shirts that was four sizes to big for him and dark blue jeans which thankfully wasn't Dudley's.

He turned around and picked up the last potion on the table. It was an energy one so that he could at least make the walk to Lupin's without collapsing.

He looked around him sighing not looking forward to the uncomfortable good-byes or the uncomfortable greetings of next time he would see everyone. But at least he wouldn't have to be here, stuck in Sirius' final prison. Everywhere he would have gone, Harry knew he would have been filled with memories of Sirius' depressing time here.

Harry sighed before making his way to the door and coming face to face with…

Kreacher.

Harry almost stopped breathing. Rage stronger then he had ever felt filled him and almost blocked his vision. It was almost as bad as it had been against Bellatrix. Just as strong and ready to kill.

Kreacher smiled sickly up at Harry. "Hello masters Godson."

Harry stood as still as possible using every ounce of energy and restraint to not throw himself onto Kreacher. His breathing became shallow and bated and silence filled the hallway.

"Remus" He called softly as Kreacher still smiling sweetly up at him moved closer. He wanted to pummel the disgusting face and bruise it. He wanted Kreacher to feel pain, as much pain as Harry had been put through.

"You believed me sir." Kreacher whispered and Harry's eyes widened. "You believed me and so my master was killed." Kreacher cackled and began walking away.

All restraint that Harry had been focusing on broke and he was soon chasing after Kreacher all exhaustion forgotten. A vase crashed as he hit it running by and soon the picture of Sirius' dear old mum was screeching. But Harry didn't care he wanted to get Kreacher and hurt him, kill him.

Kreacher was running as fast as his short legs would allow him but they were no match for Harry who had practice from running away from Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

He reached out for Kreacher and grabbed the house elves old sweater and was about to pull back his fist to strike the first blow of what he hoped would be many…

Arms were wrapped around his middle and pulled him away. He was lifted into the air kicking and yelling still with a murderous rage in him.

"Ha Ha Harry stop it." Harry turned his head to see it was Hagrid who had to restrain him.

He was quickly put down again and Harry looked around to see that Kreacher had run off when he had the chance.

"You should have let me have him." He spat at Hagrid.

Hagrid looked surprised at Harry's behaviour but retorted with a smile on his face. "And what let you have all the fun."

Harry's hard expression immediately softened. And he instantaneously smiled up at Hagrid who drew him into a suffocating and rib breaking hug.

"I heard what happened" said Hagrid eyes pointing to the bandages on Harry's wrists.

"I didn't do it." Harry quickly replied quietly hoping that maybe Hagrid would believe him. Maybe someone would believe him.

"I never said you did Harry. Its just that someone else can't make you do something like this." Hagrid replied with earnest in his dark eyes.

"I know Hagrid it's just that… I mean do you really think that I would just give up and kill myself." Harry spoke carefully choosing his words and watching Hagrid.

"Well now that you mention it, no I don't think you would. But Harry people do strange things when they lose someone. I would know." Hagrid's eyes were full of tears. Even for his intimidating size and looks Hagrid was really a softy.

That's what Harry loved about Hagrid, that and because Hagrid was his first ever friend.

"Come on before they send out a search party for ya."

"God they would wouldn't they."

They slowly set off for they living room and Harry began to wonder how he hadn't seen how big it was or how far he had run.

They arrived at the living room and so far fortunately for Harry it had been deserted.

They entered the room to find Remus talking earnestly to Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione were playing a game of chess which Harry could see from here that Ron was winning. Mind you he could have known with his eyes closed.

Mrs Weasley was serving everyone triangular sandwiches for afternoon tea and Mr Weasley sat in an armchair reading the Daily Prophet. Professor McGonagall and Snape were having a quiet debate about something, Harry thought, that was probably nothing and they just liked to get at each other for anything.

"Ahh Harry here we are. Come sit down, Remus and I were just discussing your travel arrangements." The twinkle in Dumbledore's eye was back.

From the look on Remus' annoyed face Harry had the feeling it had nothing to do with that and his interfering and curiosity genes kicked in. (Both from his father.) Though he knew he wouldn't get anything from them today.

The room around him suddenly went quiet as everyone realized he was there. Harry almost felt he was a walking death bed from the deathly silence that stayed that way as he walked over and sat next to Remus.

The noise around him slowly rose to its normal level and a bit more as Mr Weasley was joined by Hagrid.

"How are you feeling Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"Fine." Harry answered shortly and without meeting Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes.

"Good, good. Remus and I were actually discussing something other then transport."

"Albus." Remus' voice was full of warning. Harry turned and looked at Remus with a puzzled expression. Maybe he was going to find out today after all.

"Harry" he turned and looked back at Dumbledore. "Sirius' has left his house, all his belongings and his money to you."

Harry gasped. He had definitely not been expecting that. He didn't need it anyway; his parents had left him enough money to last him till he finished school and to buy a house with probably too.

And why would he want this house anyway. It had been Sirius' prison and it only served as bad memories for Harry.

"I don't want the house" Harry said quickly just to clear the air.

"Okay but we were hoping that maybe you could lend it to us for use in the Order?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

"Yeah sure have it." Harry said his mind on other things. Did that mean he had ownership of Kreacher, because if it did Harry could think of plenty of things of the top of his head he wanted Kreacher to do.

Realizing that Dumbledore and Remus would probably be looking at the funny far away smile on his face he quickly added. "Does this mean that I um own Kreacher?"

Dumbledore's face looked grim for a second but answered. "Yes you do, but Harry I would advise you to order him to never leave this house."

Harry nodded and silence filled the room. Harry suddenly realized that everyone had been listening in on the conversation and when he turned around everyone pretended to be doing something else.

Remus suddenly stood up beside him and said "Come on Harry we better get going before it gets too late."

Harry stood and followed him into the hallway. Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione followed them and they crowded into the hall trying to be as quiet as possible.

"Guys can I talk to you for a sec?" Harry asked Ron and Hermione and pointed to the kitchen. They followed him and he left Remus casting scary looks at Dumbledore.

"I just want to clear the air before I leave okay." They looked at him funnily.

"Harry we believe you." Hermione said quietly.

Harry did a double take at her. "You…you do." He stuttered his heart rose in his throat and he felt stupid as tears filled his eyes. He was being so pathetic.

"Thank god I was starting to think no one would." He beamed at them both and they beamed back.

"So I'll see you guys later ah."

"Yeah sure Harry, we'll send you owls and maybe even visit." Ron said who, fortunately for Harry, hadn't seen the tears or maybe just ignored them for Harry's sake.

"Yeah well as soon as they think I'm sane and not severely depressed they'll let me come back." Ron and Hermione didn't smile at him this time.

"I was only joking." He said quickly.

"Yeah well hopefully we can be back together before our OWLS come then we can share our results in person." Hermione said happily but Ron and Harry just rolled their eyes with each other.

"Okay Harry we'll see ya then mate. We have to go back so I can thrash Hermione at chess." Ron said and Hermione followed suit but with yet another bone breaking hug.

"See ya guys." He said quietly depression suddenly dropping its blankets on him, it had lifted slightly but now it was back.

Harry sighed as Hermione and Ron argued back to the living room, he wondered if he could be as innocent or normal as they were.

_Of course not_ whispered a part of his mind _Harry Potter draws trouble to him and trouble his drawn to him. _

Harry shook his head and walked back into the hall to a waiting Remus and Dumbledore. He smiled up at them though the smile never touched his eyes.

"I'm ready now," he said with a sigh and pretended to not notice their shared worried looks. Instead Harry walked outside his head bent forward against the rain and to hide from Dumbledore and Remus.

"Bye Harry." Dumbledore's twinkle seemed to be gone and Harry's good-bye was half a wave before turning back and walking down the path past the growing weeds.

He almost began to wish he had died. Almost.


	3. Listening, dreaming, listening, running

**Listening, Dreaming, Listening, Running**

Harry and Remus strode down the foot path side by side, silent in their own thoughts. Harry didn't feel like talking but he knew that Remus' questions would come soon and Harry would just have to deal with them.

"Harry" Remus spoke. _Here we go_ thought Harry. "Harry did you really want to kill yourself?" Remus' voice was filled with emotion and Harry couldn't bear to look at him.

Instead he kept his head down and said "I didn't kill myself Remus. I don't know exactly how it happened. But I think Voldemort took over my… my body and made me do it." He stumbled over the words and when he finished he cast a quick glance at Remus.

Remus was looking fixedly forward. There was a troubled look on his face.

"Harry are you denying the fact that you put a knife to your wrist and cut with the thought in mind to kill yourself to not seem so weak or are you telling the truth because Harry you can't lie about this. This is too serious and if…if you did want to die then…then I want to help you."

Remus spoke quickly and nervously. Harry had never heard him like this but it wasn't like he knew Remus very well. It wasn't like he had known Sirius very well.

Harry took a deep breathe and said so quietly that Remus had to bend in to hear him. "Remus, do you think that my father would have killed himself?"

Remus took a sharp intake of breathe and turned his head to stare at Harry. "Why do you ask that Harry?"

"I don't know. Probably because everyone seems to think we are the same or something." Harry dodged Remus' searching eyes instead staring transfixed at the pavement.

"Harry you and your father are extremely different."

"Sirius didn't seem to think so," Harry said with a snap and then immediately apologized. "I'm sorry Remus that was wrong of me."

"No, no Harry I understand," a pause. "Sirius was always pointing out the difference between you and your father to me. I just didn't think it affected you so."

"No, no it doesn't. Well actually it did kind of. I mean I didn't exactly get to meet him and what I saw in the pensieve wasn't exactly um… nice. I just don't like to be compared by anyone I guess." Harry's eyes finally meet Remus'.

"Come on Harry it's this way." Remus said with a slight smile on his face. "And just so you know your father wouldn't have killed himself and I don't think you would have either."

They both turned the corner and followed the path.

--00—00—00—00—00—00—00--

After a couple more blocks and running the last street because of the rain they entered Remus' house soaking wet and gasping for breath.

"God I need to get fit," Remus panted as he took Harry's anorak for him and hung it up.

Harry stared around the house curiously. They were standing in a hallway that led into a sitting room through a big open space in the wall to the left.

From the living room you could get into the kitchen and Harry followed Remus through to it. It wasn't as dark as Sirius' house but was more open and light through the rain poured in from outside.

Everything was quite old fashioned but shiny. In the warm kitchen a table stood that seated four and from the kitchen there was a door leading into the sitting room.

Harry wandered into the sitting room and looked around. There were a few moving pictures of Lily, James and Sirius sitting on the gigantic but completely filled bookshelf and on cupboards holding wizard games.

The sofas were extremely comfortable and marshmellowy Harry found as he sat back on them. But what caught Harry's eye was the painting above the fire that was burning brightly.

The painting was beautiful and brought tears to Harry's eyes. It had a dark blue background with stars twinkling in it. And in each corner of the painting there was a symbol. In one was a red lily with a stalk that somehow reminded Harry of his eyes.

In the opposite corner to the lily there was a proud looking stag watching him. In the corner below the stag a big black dog sat staring at him with a happy look on its face.

In the corner below the Lily stood a wolf howling at the moon that was painted in the middle of them all.

The true Marauder's were looking down at Harry and Harry didn't think he could breathe. His eyes were filling up with emotion, a lump in his throat was forming and Harry's heart was being squeezed so tightly he couldn't move.

"Do you like it?" Asked Remus worriedly from where he leant up against the door frame.

Harry nodded vigorously not trusting his voice.

Remus sensed this and said quietly "Come on I'll show you your room."

Harry followed Remus through the kitchen and up a pair of stairs he hadn't noticed before into a tiny hall. Three doors led of from it and Remus led Harry through the one further from the stairs.

The room was small and not as a big as his one at the Dursleys and was cluttered probably Remus' junk and unneeded things.

Under the clutter Harry could just see a single bed and beside it a chest of draws. A wooden wardrobe stood in the corner its doors flung open and more junk filled it up.

"Um sorry it's kind of messy. I'll just clean it up." Remus said before waving his wand and muttering something that Harry couldn't hear.

The mess instantly vanished and Harry was able to see the room properly. The bed had red covers and pillows; on the chest of draws beside it was a candle stick that was actually flickering.

"Harry I just thought you should know that this was going to be Sirius' room when he wanted to get out of the Black house. But don't worry," Remus added at Harry's wild stare. "Sirius never got a chance to stay here."

Harry nodded before sitting down on the soft bed. He didn't think he could stand anymore reminders of Sirius but he could take this one.

"I'll leave you to unpack then." Remus said noticing Harry's need for silence. Harry nodded again and noticed that his suitcase was lying at the bottom of the open wardrobe.

Remus closed the door behind him and Harry immediately felt tears prickling at the corner of his eyes but instead of stopping them he left them to roll down his face and onto his black t-shirt.

Harry lay down sinking into the soft pillow and tried not to think about Sirius, this house, the prophecy and the tears that would never stop.

Harry fell asleep with tears still on his face not knowing that Remus had slid down his door tears also on his face thinking about the same things.

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

Harry stared up at the moon from his bedroom. His eyes glazed over from tears and memories. Memories of his first and last Christmas with Sirius. Of the happiness that had changed Harry and the Black Manor all radiating from Sirius.

Harry had never experienced a parent's love first hand and Sirius had been the closest thing that he had ever to that. Even if Sirius could be a big kid at times, he was always protective of Harry and sought only Harry's happiness and health. He had no one else for that except maybe Remus.

Now everyone wanted to throw him back in danger. Or at least that's what it felt like. The stupid Prophecy that just seem to haunt his every step and the deaths that followed him everywhere. In his mind the voices, faces and memories of those that had died because of him never left him alone. To Harry it was his punishment.

Harry tried to ignore the familiar headache that was raging on in his head but soon he was forced to pop a pill in his mouth and swallow.

The headaches had started not soon after Sirius dies, in fact only minutes after Voldemort had taken over his body in the Ministry of Magic. At first he had ignored them but soon they had grown stronger until after a week at the Dursleys he had taken a trip down to the pharmacy and stolen the strongest headache medicine they had.

It didn't stop the headaches that soon became raging migraines, but at least it dulled the pain enough for him to venture from the dark of his bedroom to the garden outside where the Dursleys made him work.

But now Harry was running out of the pills and soon he would have to hide in his room where darkness waited with memories. His punishment along with other things that Harry had never told anyone and never would.

Harry stood up slowly and winced. The pills hadn't quite entered his system and the slightest movement sent stabbing pains to his head. He slowly made his way down to Remus' kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He winced again as these actions reminded him of the night he was made to kill himself.

Another form of punishment although Harry had to agree with whoever made him do it. He should have died. It would have been better then seeing all these people believe he did try suicide only to survive.

"Harry, what are you doing up?" Harry jumped at the sound of Remus' voice and turned to fast to see him.

He jerked his head in pain and tried to hide it but Remus saw.

"Harry are you okay? You look like a ghost you're so pale." Remus stepped towards him concerned.

"I'm fine." Harry said through clenched teeth even though his migraine was growing. Knifes felt like they were twisting around in his head and he was reminded of when Voldemort had controlled him in the Ministry of Magic. The pain was just as powerful.

"Look Harry you really..." Remus was cut off as Harry collapsed to his knees.

Harry was seeing double now and both of the Remus' were swaying violently. Harry blinked twice and then suddenly screamed.

The lights had been turned on and it was all too much pain for Harry to take. He fell and before his head reached the ground he was out with a violent fever wakening upon his body.

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

Harry sighed as he realized where he was. Of course, it always began here, the graveyard of his nightmares. And this was just another one. Another nightmare to add to his ever growing pain.

But this time he wasn't tied to a grave stone nor was there purple mist swarming around him. The place seemed to be in its most peaceful manner for a home of the dead.

Harry stood for a few minutes working up the courage to venture forth into this far to real world. Finally he took a step forward and another until he was striding past gravestones and searching for his reason to be there.

As he walked he had the funny feeling that someone was watching him and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He twisted around and peered into the darkness that he had left behind to see...

nothing.

"Well of course," he muttered to himself. "It wouldn't be scary enough later on if you saw something straight away."

He sighed once again and carried on although he turned around every few minutes to check only to see the same darkness.

Harry felt like he had been walking for hours when he first thought he saw something. And this wasn't just a figment of his imagination. Just as he turned around something to close and invisible swished past him making him shiver and turn in a full circle for fear.

But again and again these invisible demons washed past scaring Harry further then he had ever felt at the hands of Voldemort.

Suddenly something touched his back and Harry, without a hint of curiosity and far too much fear, ran.

He pounded the ground with his feet and skidded past rows of gravestones and twisted and turned here and there. What sounded like millions of feet ran after him, chasing him until Harry was more lost then he had been before.

Harry swore that no graveyard could be this big no matter how many circles he may have walked or ran in he should at least have seen the way out.

But only darkness existed meters in front of him and until he got closer did he see what was there.

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

The pain was almost unbearable and Harry silently prayed that he would soon fall unconscious even if it meant back to being chased by god knows what.

Harry tried to open his eyes and see where he was as he did so sound came back into the scene and the pain flared intensely. He whimpered and burrowed his head under the pillow so darkness could soften his pounding head.

"Harry." Remus was speaking to him. "Harry say something." His voice was panicked and scared.

"No light and no sound." Harry managed to croak out from under the pillow.

Everybody must have heard because whoever was had been there disappeared instantly and the sound disappeared.

"Harry," Remus whispered in his ear and placing a hand on his back. "It's just Dumbledore and I now. It's pitch black out here so you'll be okay."

Harry slowly and carefully turned over and lay his on his back. He couldn't even see Remus or Dumbledore though he could feel a hand on his shoulder which he suspected was Remus. Nobody spoke and Harry contended himself with concentrating on the pain and minimizing it.

"Where am I?" Harry finally asked and kept his voice to a whisper.

"You're in your room." Remus answered his voice barely heard.

Somebody leant forward in a chair at the front of the bed and Harry knew it was Dumbledore.

"Harry what just happened?" He asked and before Harry could answer Dumbledore spoke again. "Madam Pomfrey tried locating the source of your pain but was blocked out by a shield."

Harry was surprised at this new information and wondered who cast it. His first thought was of Voldemort. But then if he was casting shields over him he was also probably causing the migraines.

Then Harry caught something that he hadn't thought of before and wondered how stupid he had been to not think of it in the first place. If Voldemort could control his body then he could do it again and this time he would make him hurt someone else. Like Remus, or anyone in the Order. He could be looking out of Harry right now and seeing what Harry was seeing.

This had been what Harry had thought last year after the attack on Mr. Weasley but Dumbledore had foreseen his train of thought had stopped Harry from running. This time though, it was far more serious and dangerous. He had to get out before Voldemort struck again.

Harry kept these thoughts to himself as Dumbledore questioned him on the collapse. Harry answered all the questions truthfully as possible but without this strange dream, instead passing it off as a normal nightmare that any sixteen year old kid would have with his experiences.

The interrogation finally finished and Harry was left to some peace if thoughts of escape were considered peace.

He could tell from now on he was going to be watched closely so any escape was to be pulled off soon before everyone got over their initial shock, if there was any. He had the feeling that everyone was accepting the fact that anything could happen around _"the boy who lived."_

It was just Remus and him in the room now. Harry's migraine was slowly receding and after some silence it disappeared. Harry was grateful that he didn't have to use his diminishing pills to put a stop to the pain.

"Harry how long has this been going on?" Remus asked him and Harry knew he was talking about the migraines.

Harry decided to be truthful and told him it had been since the attack at the Ministry. "But they only started getting this bad last week while I was at the Dursleys." He told him as well.

Remus didn't look very happy at this response and proceeded to tell Harry so. "Harry you could have told us." He whispered, his voice strained.

"You know Dumbledore wants you to report anything strange or unusual and this is clearly one of them. You don't just suddenly get migraines."

Harry was infuriated by this and shoved it right back into Remus' face. "And how am I supposed to do that!" He shouted not caring that the headache might come back.

"With my owl that the Dursleys took off me. Or maybe I could have sent you a postcard if I knew where you lived. Or wherever anyone else lived for that matter!" Harry hadn't been this angry since the night of Sirius' death and it was almost a nice change from depression.

"I have been stuck at the Dursleys' every single summer, Remus, with hardly any connection to the wizard world and nobody to talk to. Plus on top of all that somebody takes over my body, Voldemort being the highest candidate, and makes me try to kill myself and nobody believes me. Let's see you live with that."

Once Harry's angry raving had stopped he suddenly realized he had climbed out of bed and was standing over Remus who sat in his chair looking, from what Harry could tell, ashamed but still managing to look him in the eye.

Harry climbed back into his bed, lay facing opposite Remus and pulled the sheets over him.

"Harry..." Remus started but Harry cut in.

"I'm going to sleep."

And with that silence filled the room as Remus left to answer the questions of over hearers outside.

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

As Harry pretended to sleep in his room while actually packing his bag to leave, Remus slowly made his way downstairs thinking over what Harry had said. Or rather shouted.

It was true, all of what Harry had said except the bit where Harry tried to deny killing himself.

Remus was still torn over this. After talking to Harry earlier when they had walked here Remus had been convinced that Harry didn't try to kill himself.

But remembering the panic he had felt when he first heard Harry was injured and then to go to the Dursleys and see Harry strewn on the kitchen floor, a knife next to him, wrists cut, blood everywhere, a pale, hardly breathing Harry. It was a parent's worst nightmare. Even if he wasn't a parent.

He would never forget that night and just remembering it brought back doubts that Harry could never talk over.

"Remus!" Molly's shout brought Remus out of his thoughts with a start.

Molly was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him since she and the rest of the Order, who were there, had been kicked out.

Remus smiled gratefully at her. She was the mother Harry never had and the closest person to one.

"How is he?" She asked instantly.

"He's fine Molly, just sleeping so don't go up and annoy him." He added the last bit just as she started up the stairs. He could tell Harry wouldn't be in the mode for a fussing over or someone who would lecture him.

"Good, good." Molly reassured herself and they joined the other members of the Order for a emergency meeting. Not all of the Order was there, just the members who were close to Harry or offering their services to him, such as Madam Pomfrey.

"Well it seems we have a problem at hand that is not Voldemort or the Ministry." Dumbledore stated to the other members who all nodded in agreement.

"As you all know," he carried on. "Two days ago we found Harry at his uncle's house almost dead, from cut wrists." Nobody gasped and all were accepting which made Remus grateful. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tonk's watching him and tried to ignore her though his heart missed a beat.

"As soon as Harry awoke he was opposed to this opinion but, as you also all know, he had every reason to want to die after what happened at the Ministry. I bring you all here tonight because you are close to Harry and have every right to put in your opinion to how we should help Harry. What do you think we should do?"

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

Unknown to everyone downstairs, Harry was sitting at his desk finishing off a letter to Remus and Ron and Hermione. It read in there that he was okay and had to get away for a while. It also asked them to believe that he would never kill himself no matter how bad things got.

It said all the things Harry repeated to himself and to others but what nobody would believe.

Harry signed off the letters simply with his name and stood up. He grabbed his rucksack, full of all the things he would need, and his broom to make a quick getaway.

Quickly and quietly he opened his bedroom door and walked into the landing. The day before Remus had showed him a back staircase that would take him to the back door. This was how Harry would get past everyone.

He trotted down the stairs and stepped outside. It was a clear night with not a spot of clouds unlike that morning had been. Harry swung his leg over the broom and prepared to kick off.

He took one look back and then soared into the night sky.

He was a runaway boy now with no place called home.

--00--00--00--00--00--00--00--

Thank you so much for all the reviews and I just want to say how **SORRY** I am for not writing sooner. Over the last few months I have been seriously thinking about what I'm doing with this story and I'm still not sure. But I thought you guys deserved another post so here it is. Hope you **LOVE** it!

Please Review...


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